Dear Professional With Years Of Experience

Dear Professional With Years of Experience,

You have lost me with your first sentence.  The moment that you felt the need to start our conversation by listing off all of the brilliant things you have done within the years that you have worked with 'children like this' was also the moment that my heart sunk and I thought 'here we go again.' I get why you do it. Embarrassingly I have probably done it too. You are faced with parents that want answers verses budget cuts and deadlines.  Decisions are in your hands, the futre of 'children like this' depends on the decisions you make so you start by reinforcing who you are and what you've done.  I understated that it is your job to make the decisions that need to be made for 'children like this', I respect the years of dedication that have given you experience,  and I admire the enthusiasm and determination that have kept you in the role that requires you to make these decisions.  The problem is, even 'children like this' differ. I only have four years of experience with my child like this, but he has taught me far more about the things he struggles with than years of reading theories, carrying out independent studies and practical work with children just like him. This is why we need to work together.   This is why my opinion matters.

I hope that in years to come, when I'm back to your side of the desk, someone will remimd me of this. I hope that in years to come I will start my sentances by reassuring parents that I will try my hardest to find the best solution for their child using our joint knowledge and experiences.

Yours Faithfully,
A mother who wants the best for her child.

Swirly icing and beautiful bunting

I had it all planned out - the cupcakes would be topped with swirly icing and sprinkles of edible glitter and the room decorated with streamers and bunting,  all hand made of course.    Yes, before Billy was even born I was excitedly planning his birthday parties, but in reality they couldn't be any more different from the calm, pretty, handmade events I was busy imagining.  Billy's first birthday mainly involved us trying to convince him to stay downstairs with all of our guests whilst he continuously pointed at the stairs, desperate to be by himself.

Back in the summer Billy started asking for a party for his next birthday and all of a sudden birthday season is upon us again, Jo has just turned 2 and Billy will be 4 in a few weeks. For the past four months I've been trying to figure out how we're going to put on a party that is free from dairy, soya, wheat, egg, fish, fruit, vegetables and nuts, whilst taking into account Billy's sensory issues (children's parties and difficulties processing noise don't tend to mix!) and the fact that his poor immune system means he is usually poorly for most of autumn/winter. In my head I had all these ideals of how a party should be verses the reality of things that just won't be possible.

A huge sense of relief came when I read about someone buying their child a shop bought birthday cake because despite their best efforts homemade cakes just weren't working and weren't worth the stress they were causing on their child's birthday.  Reading this was like being given permission to stop setting the bar so high, to stop worrying about my ideal of how parties should be and just try and enjoy throwing a party that will be safe and fun for my boys and their friends.  With so many special requirments and things to consider there are some things that will take time and are bound to cause a little bit of stress/panic so I will compromise with something else - I can't just buy all the food from a shop, so because of this I will make all the decorations with the boys during the day and anything that can't be done then won't get done, they won't look perfect but we will have lots of fun making them.

We have decided on the following things to make the party less stressful and more enjoyable for us all:

• The party will be a joint party for the boys so if it gets 'too much' for Billy, it doesn't matter because Jo will still be there.
• We have hired our church hall so there is more space than if we were having it at home. 
• The main birthday cake will be a dummy cake made from polystyrene (the type they use for wedding fair displays).
• We will let Billy know the order of all of the activities and games and have a quiet area with ssensory equipment. 

I'm really looking forward to the party now and will blog about the details afterwards.  In the meantime I hope this gives other parents the 'permission' to relax that I needed.